he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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