I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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