Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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