I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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