he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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