I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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