Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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