a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
