He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
