forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
