Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
