I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
