no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
