yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
