lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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