But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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