I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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