i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
