She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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