He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize