you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i think my cat just said my name.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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