I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
