1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's blow job season.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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