I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
