remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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