I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
