Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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