Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
