Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
