You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
