stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
