i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
