why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
soo... how was my night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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