So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
