You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize