I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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