i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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