6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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