Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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