Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
