Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
