I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
