Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
