This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
