apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
