captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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