K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
