wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize