Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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