So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
