Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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