were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
