i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
