You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
