I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
