Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
