Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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