I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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