The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
