It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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