You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
