You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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