Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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