HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
