OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
