she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
worst night to have a conscience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
