i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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