so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize